I Was Lost

Last night, when I went to bed..... I didn't know that it would be the last time I would lay my head next to you. You wrapped me in your arms, and held me so tight, as I snuggled deeper and deeper against you. Though the imaginations of my yearning, was my reality.

You were no longer YOU. You were no longer the quencher of my thirst. You were no longer the feast on my table. My reality was a deck of cards , all played out. But Oh! How I longed for my circumstances to change. How I longed for time to stand still. How I longed to go back to yesterday.

Your arms hung loose at your sides. Your breath became gasps. Your words were no longer soft, petaled caresses across my face. They were now only in my dreams. They were now written in tables of stone, within my heart. 

You were travelling to your final destination. Your bags were all packed. Your journey's end had arrived. Your golden chariot was sent. To take you where you had to go. It had been already predestined, before you were created in your mother's womb. 

You were kissing this world goodbye.

Could you feel my beating heart? Could you hear every murmur, of the longings, nestled deep within my soul? I hungered. I was thirsty. I ached. Just to have you near me. All I wanted to do, was stay right there. Savor every moment. Never let go.

Oh! How utterly beautiful it was. How extraordinary. The transcending of time. Cocooned within your den of never ending love. Could this be, my forever? Could this be my timeless, collectable treasure.... wrapped in fragrance, I had only ever seen in my dreams?

 YES! YES! YES! 

I knew you were leaving. I knew you had to travel to another place. I knew the time had come. To let go. 

To hold you. To touch you. To kiss you. To feel you.... To say goodbye. 

I just didn't think that it would rage like a hurricane upon me, in the twinkling of an eye. 

I didn't want to set you free. I didn't want to kiss your lips, one last time. I didn't understand that there would be a... suddenly. A finality. A no- return destination. I didn't want tomorrow. I didn't want the cords that had us bound together, to be severed. 

 Without me. Without us. Without happiness. Without love. 

I was thirsty for your scent on me. I wanted you to be my forever, bed of roses. Adorned with wild berries. In my nest, to unfold and unravel. 

As I ran my fingers through your.... hair. I felt every drizzle of love's own moisture, deep within every strand. I could feel a fire burning deep within my soul. As my eyes welled up with tears and ran unchecked unto you. 

There was no hair upon your head. Your crown had disappeared. It was taken away. There was no soft, silky strand. No scent of the perfume that was coated and massaged, as you washed it, day after day. It was all gone.

My heart ached. My soul was devoid of my substance. 

Sickness had become your meat. An enemy had entered in and devoured what was yours. What was rightfully ours

. What would no longer be. Tomorrow would never come. The sun would no longer shine.

Goodbye was here. Though it was not invited to my table. The sun had set and the battle to survive had been finalized. We had lost. 

My spool of golden thread would never be weaved into a robe. The melodious song of love, would make a final orchestration. 

The applause would be heard. The curtain would fall. My forever had come to an end.

How was I supposed to let you go? How was I supposed to live without you? 

How was I supposed to look, at the nakedness of 

an absolute covering of nothingness... where once you laid? 

I didn't know. 

I couldn't imagine.

I was lost.