Today, I Am Found

 Letting go of the past, takes tears and sweat and great courage and inner strength. I have been through unimaginable pain, suffering and heartache.

There have been times, when I felt like I couldn't make another step. Or go an extra mile. When the mountains on my back seemed so heavy... and my heart so burdened, with pain and despair.

I wondered if tomorrow would ever come.

If there really was such a thing, as a silver lining, behind every dark cloud.

Crying myself to sleep became my favorite thing to do... at the end of each new day. 

I had no one to turn to.

No one to talk to.

No one to lean on.

Loneliness became part of who I was. Like a shadow, that goes in and out with me.

I had so many questions. But no answers I could find. 

Remembering my past hurts.

 Being abused. 

Trust broken. 

Tears falling.

 Untold betrayal..

 Being passed around like a platter full of delectable delights.

 Mouths kept quiet.

 The stalking of silence.

 And slowly dying.

Even as I write this, my eyelids burn with unshed tears.

The heaviness of my heart yearns to be made lighter. 

Where is my tomorrow? 

Does even a candle in the window burn for me?

I don't seem to know anymore.

Hope has departed from inside of me. I do not know where it has gone. 

I never thought I would ever get, in return for a perfect love.... abuse... unforgiveness... heartbreak... despair.. brokenness.

To realize that I had entered into a doorway of Unhappily Ever After... was more than I could bear. 

What did I do?

Where did I go wrong?

Was I being made to pay for the sins of generations before? I didn't know.

After awhile, I hid, wherever the tides took me. The ME that once was, ceased to exist. In her place, someone else was born.

I pushed my dreams.

I pushed my hopes.

 I pushed my plans, all aside. 

I became someone else, for everybody. A chameleon.

I built a wall around my heart. I learned the hard way.... to get up off the ground and brush myself off.. To move on. 

I disappeared deep inside a cocoon. Like a withered, lost soul. Searching with a hunger, to find a way out of the darkness that clamped my being into non- existence. But always yearning.... with a small ounce of what was left of me... for a way out... 

To break free.

 To run.... like the wind.  

To no longer be a slave to circumstances.

To be the ME,  I knew I could be. 

Today, I am grateful for not giving up.

Today, I have been set free, from every spirit of bandage.

Today, old things have passed away.

Today, I am reborn. 

Today, I am found.

Today, I am loved.

Today, I know Who I Am.


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